So, I had one good day and then it was up and down. Good day here, bad day there. Too much work, a little tired, a little extra snacking...no working out. Working out, eating right, getting some sleep...kid wakes up in middle of the night with a bed full of pee. Night shot, tired next day, bad eating, no working out. Repeat.
But, I've now had three days in a row that are decent. Better eating, less snacking, and more exercise. Running, like always, but that certainly counts. I need to handle the sleeping bit, but I am just happy I've strung a few good days together. I don't feel particularly great about it, but it is something.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Long Time...Again
I have yet again gone through a huge lapse in blogging. I don't think anyone reads this, so it shouldn't really matter. But, even if nobody comes here, this does provide me a place to try and hold myself accountable. And, I have some things to account for again.
Oh, and this will bore you if you have heard anything I've said in the past. I'm back on the running and weight and health thing, something I never seem to really get right for an extended period of time.
This coming weekend is the Suntrust National Marathon. I signed up months and months ago with the intent to run this sucker fast enough to qualify for Boston. In order to be able to do it, I was running a lot. I ran last Spring, last Summer, and into the Fall and I did more and more and more, week over week. I was running more miles and faster miles, at least on a consistent basis, then I had in the past. And, I felt like I was going to be able to pull off my goal, assuming that my actual marathon training went as I hoped it would. And, as always seems to be the case when I push things pretty hard, I blew up. I ran 13 miles on a Friday and started to get some pain in my left hip. But, while it hurt, it didn't hurt so much that I could run or walk, so I kept training. That Saturday, I ran 8 miles or something like that and it still hurt. But, like a lot of the aches and pains I've had as a runner, it loosened up and improved as I ran, so I never thought it could be all that bad. It still hurt when I woke up on Sunday, but I kept going and ran another 15 miles on it that night. The hip hurt the whole damn time, but it did not get worse during the run. The next morning when I got up for work...well...the hip decided it had had enough. The pain was so bad I could not put my pants on properly. Any pressure on the joint was a real problem. And, I had a fairly bad limp caused by what had become persistent pain. That lasted a whole week. It was better the next week, but a test run made it clear that it still hurt a lot. All of this happened right before Thanksgiving and I haven't really recovered since. On Turkey Day, I weighed 166lbs. Today, I weight 178lbs. Prior to Turkey Day, I was running 70+ miles a week. Today, I ran 6 miles in the gym and haven't had a single week of 40 miles or more since the injury. It took two months for my hip to heal and as soon as I started running again, I got sick. So, I lost a week and a half of running due to a bad cold that knocked me for several days. Then, I started to slowly get into the swing of things again, only to get another cold that was as bad as the first. And, upon seeing a doctor, I found out that I had bronchitis. That was two weeks ago and today was the first time I ran. So, instead of spending the past four months training for a marathon, I've spent three of them doing no running at all. I knew the marathon was not going to happen after the injury, so I switched to the half marathon. But, given the past few weeks, I don't think I can even handle that. Needless to say, this is really fucking depressing.
Every time my running is going well, I get stupid. I ignore my body, run too much, and skip out on sleep. I push it until something gives and when it does, I don't listen, which only makes the situation worse. So, here I am, heavier, slower, and no closer to my goal of making it to Boston. If anything, I'm further from that goal since I've lost a lot of the progress I made in 2009. And, while all the treats I've eaten since Thanksgiving were great, they don't make me feel any better right now.
So, what to do? Get back on the horse and start again. Which is what I hope today's run can signify. Today's run and today's eating and vitamin-taking and sleeping and all of that. If I can have one good day, then I can have another. And, if I can get two, then I can easily make it three or four. You can see where this is going, of course. One foot in front of the other, day by day, and I'll find myself back where I hope to be. When exactly? I'm not sure. I need to do some work to figure out what it will really take to get back on track and to qualify for Boston. But, what I know right now is that I'll be closer to that goal by a day if I start right now.
Oh, and this will bore you if you have heard anything I've said in the past. I'm back on the running and weight and health thing, something I never seem to really get right for an extended period of time.
This coming weekend is the Suntrust National Marathon. I signed up months and months ago with the intent to run this sucker fast enough to qualify for Boston. In order to be able to do it, I was running a lot. I ran last Spring, last Summer, and into the Fall and I did more and more and more, week over week. I was running more miles and faster miles, at least on a consistent basis, then I had in the past. And, I felt like I was going to be able to pull off my goal, assuming that my actual marathon training went as I hoped it would. And, as always seems to be the case when I push things pretty hard, I blew up. I ran 13 miles on a Friday and started to get some pain in my left hip. But, while it hurt, it didn't hurt so much that I could run or walk, so I kept training. That Saturday, I ran 8 miles or something like that and it still hurt. But, like a lot of the aches and pains I've had as a runner, it loosened up and improved as I ran, so I never thought it could be all that bad. It still hurt when I woke up on Sunday, but I kept going and ran another 15 miles on it that night. The hip hurt the whole damn time, but it did not get worse during the run. The next morning when I got up for work...well...the hip decided it had had enough. The pain was so bad I could not put my pants on properly. Any pressure on the joint was a real problem. And, I had a fairly bad limp caused by what had become persistent pain. That lasted a whole week. It was better the next week, but a test run made it clear that it still hurt a lot. All of this happened right before Thanksgiving and I haven't really recovered since. On Turkey Day, I weighed 166lbs. Today, I weight 178lbs. Prior to Turkey Day, I was running 70+ miles a week. Today, I ran 6 miles in the gym and haven't had a single week of 40 miles or more since the injury. It took two months for my hip to heal and as soon as I started running again, I got sick. So, I lost a week and a half of running due to a bad cold that knocked me for several days. Then, I started to slowly get into the swing of things again, only to get another cold that was as bad as the first. And, upon seeing a doctor, I found out that I had bronchitis. That was two weeks ago and today was the first time I ran. So, instead of spending the past four months training for a marathon, I've spent three of them doing no running at all. I knew the marathon was not going to happen after the injury, so I switched to the half marathon. But, given the past few weeks, I don't think I can even handle that. Needless to say, this is really fucking depressing.
Every time my running is going well, I get stupid. I ignore my body, run too much, and skip out on sleep. I push it until something gives and when it does, I don't listen, which only makes the situation worse. So, here I am, heavier, slower, and no closer to my goal of making it to Boston. If anything, I'm further from that goal since I've lost a lot of the progress I made in 2009. And, while all the treats I've eaten since Thanksgiving were great, they don't make me feel any better right now.
So, what to do? Get back on the horse and start again. Which is what I hope today's run can signify. Today's run and today's eating and vitamin-taking and sleeping and all of that. If I can have one good day, then I can have another. And, if I can get two, then I can easily make it three or four. You can see where this is going, of course. One foot in front of the other, day by day, and I'll find myself back where I hope to be. When exactly? I'm not sure. I need to do some work to figure out what it will really take to get back on track and to qualify for Boston. But, what I know right now is that I'll be closer to that goal by a day if I start right now.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
When I Was A Fat Slob...
I used to be really fat. Morbidly obese, I think. You know, like 75 pounds or more than is even remotely good for me based on my height. As of my most recent weight, I am 90 pounds less than I was six years ago. It took about three years to lose the weight and I've kept it off for the most part since then. I have fluctuated, down ten pounds and up ten pounds, but I am usually right about the same number. I think a lot about things I did when I was really heavy and how absurd some of the behavior was. Some things, like drinking lots of Coke, aren't really that crazy. People drink soda and often drink a lot of it. It had never occurred to me that it was loaded with sugar and that a liter of soda was just a lot of empty calories. Switching to seltzer or club soda or diet soda or even just water makes a big difference, of course, but I didn't even think about it when I was heavy. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I didn't recognize that it would have an impact in the first place. But, I did do crazy stuff, addictive type of stuff, that seems nuts and horrible when I look back on it. On a regular basis, I would eat two everything bagels with veggie cream cheese for breakfast. Two fucking bagels. With cream cheese. I would be so hungry that I couldn't wait until I got to my desk, so I'd eat one bagel while I was in the car driving to work. How's that for an addiction? In the same day, I was likely to get a hoagie for lunch and order it with a side of fries. And, in the afternoon, when I got shaky or a hot flash because I needed to eat again, I'd go to 7-11 and get a soda and a package of Donettes. You know, those little sleeves of Hostess donuts that come in one of three flavors: powdered sugar, chocolate covered, or toasted coconut. I love the toasted coconut and I'd eat the whole sleeve, washing it down with more soda. Who knows how many calories that was and I hadn't even had dinner yet. No wonder I blew up and needed to wear size 42 pants.
Every day wasn't that bad. But enough days were that I gained a lot of weight. I sift through the memories of that time, my fat period, to try and understand how it happened. I didn't just wake up one day in the body of a really fat guy. I got fat over time. And, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and not thinking I was that overweight, even when I was really heavy. The only time it really hit me was when I went clothes shopping and found that I no longer fit into the pant size that I thought I did. I remember being depressed when I couldn't fit in size 36 pants, sitting in the mall with Audrey and just feeling like garbage. I vaguely remember feeling bad when I hit size 40s, but that seemed like a place that I could create a firewall. You know, it was bad, but as long as I didn't get any bigger, it would be okay. Then, when I hit size 42, I remember thinking that I was a failure when it came to my weight. I made all sorts of excuses for myself as to why I was overweight, downplaying the problem, giving myself a pass, and not just owning it and recognizing how horrible I felt about the whole thing. It is really easy to let yourself off the hook and to basically ignore the truth. Things have changed, of course, but the reasons for that change are for a whole other blog post.
Every day wasn't that bad. But enough days were that I gained a lot of weight. I sift through the memories of that time, my fat period, to try and understand how it happened. I didn't just wake up one day in the body of a really fat guy. I got fat over time. And, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and not thinking I was that overweight, even when I was really heavy. The only time it really hit me was when I went clothes shopping and found that I no longer fit into the pant size that I thought I did. I remember being depressed when I couldn't fit in size 36 pants, sitting in the mall with Audrey and just feeling like garbage. I vaguely remember feeling bad when I hit size 40s, but that seemed like a place that I could create a firewall. You know, it was bad, but as long as I didn't get any bigger, it would be okay. Then, when I hit size 42, I remember thinking that I was a failure when it came to my weight. I made all sorts of excuses for myself as to why I was overweight, downplaying the problem, giving myself a pass, and not just owning it and recognizing how horrible I felt about the whole thing. It is really easy to let yourself off the hook and to basically ignore the truth. Things have changed, of course, but the reasons for that change are for a whole other blog post.
Health Updates
Health or fitness, which is really the more accurate term for what I've been concerned about lately. Basic update is that things got bad and then they got better. Audrey was out of town and I had a tough time doing anything other than handling the kids. So, no running and too much bad snacking. But, I've had two weeks of good running and some better control with the food and I've gotten back on track. I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I've lost a few pounds recently and feel invested in the accomplishments, so I'm trying real hard not to backslide or undermine my own efforts. For the next few weeks, I just want to keep trimming off the excess weight and running consistent mileage. I haven't signed up for anything for the fall racing season, but I should do that soon.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Being Nice or Being Honest?
For some reason, a coworker of mine has put my name on a list to be surveyed by his MBA program. The survey is about him and I will have to rate him on 40 different questions that are supposed to help define his leadership abilities. The thing is that he is a buffoon. I'm not sure why he even put my name on the list and it makes me wonder what he thinks it is that I think about him. I've never called him a buffoon, of course, but there is no reason for him to think that I am a big fan of his either. So, here I am, feeling stuck with the responsibility to respond to a survey that rates some on their effectiveness as a leader, when I don't have that great an opinion of the person nor a close working relationship with him. Am I obligated to even respond to the survey? He never asked me about it. He just sent out an email to everyone that he put on the list. If I respond, should I be honest about what I think his abilities are or should I softpedal it? The easy thing to do would be to ignore it, so I might just do that. But, if I answer, I feel like I have to tell the truth as I see it. The only problem with that is that I think he'll see that it was me, which means that my answers will potentially have ramifications for him in both his MBA program and for the two of us here in the office. Crappy situation all around, but part of me relishes the chance to be honest about someone who is obviously a clown.
What would you do?
What would you do?
Two Weeks and Little to Show
The good news is that I've been running consistently. But that is the only thing that I've been able to stick with so far. Sleep is up and down, partly because my job has been very stressful and I've had a lot of work to do in the evenings. And, as is always the case, when I'm up late, I eat at night. So, my snacking continues and I haven't lost a single pound. Still 180, despite running 38 miles this past week.
I've got time, but I've wasted time. I could be 2-3 weeks in, 2-3 pounds lighter, and that much closer to my goal. Instead, I'm basically still at the start. Kind of depressing, but each day is a chance to try all over again.
I've got time, but I've wasted time. I could be 2-3 weeks in, 2-3 pounds lighter, and that much closer to my goal. Instead, I'm basically still at the start. Kind of depressing, but each day is a chance to try all over again.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
How to Stay Accountable
So, one of the ways I've found to keep myself on track is to force myself into situations where I need to be accountable. Even if it is a bit artificial because nothing bad really happens if I'm not. For example, if I state some goal to a friend or my wife, then I feel on the hook to accomplish it. Otherwise, despite their love and support, I feel like I've failed and potentially disappointed them in some way. If nothing else, they might just think I'm a bit of a clown. So, it all becomes an avoidance thing - avoiding the need to admit that I failed, avoiding the feeling of inadequacy or disappointment, avoiding any conversation where I have to talk about how I didn't make it.
I'm going to try and use this tactic to spur me to achieve some goals that I have for this year. To take a step back, it is important to state that I've wanted to qualify and run the Boston Marathon for a few years now. It isn't something I can achieve in the near term and I definitely can't do it if I don't build a plan. But, to make it, there are things I can do in the next few months to make it possible, well, more possible than otherwise. The first, and most important, is to lose weight. Each "extra" pound detracts from my ability to run faster. I could probably train and ultimately make Boston at my current weight, but it will take more effort than by training and dropping some weight. I can get stronger and lighter at the same time. So, the first goal is to get to 165lbs. I'm at 180lbs now, so this will take some effort, although I can do this by the end of the summer, I think.
The only other goal I am going to set right now is to pick a few races and build a training plan around them. I didn't sign up for any major distance race for the fall running season. That makes it tough since I don't have a marathon or the Army Ten Miler to shoot for, but I'll come up with something. Maybe a 20K in August or a lesser known half marathon or something like that.
I'm going to try and use this tactic to spur me to achieve some goals that I have for this year. To take a step back, it is important to state that I've wanted to qualify and run the Boston Marathon for a few years now. It isn't something I can achieve in the near term and I definitely can't do it if I don't build a plan. But, to make it, there are things I can do in the next few months to make it possible, well, more possible than otherwise. The first, and most important, is to lose weight. Each "extra" pound detracts from my ability to run faster. I could probably train and ultimately make Boston at my current weight, but it will take more effort than by training and dropping some weight. I can get stronger and lighter at the same time. So, the first goal is to get to 165lbs. I'm at 180lbs now, so this will take some effort, although I can do this by the end of the summer, I think.
The only other goal I am going to set right now is to pick a few races and build a training plan around them. I didn't sign up for any major distance race for the fall running season. That makes it tough since I don't have a marathon or the Army Ten Miler to shoot for, but I'll come up with something. Maybe a 20K in August or a lesser known half marathon or something like that.
Need A Format & Updates
Well, it has been up and down since the weekend. I got up in the morning before work to run on Monday, something I haven't done in a long time. I also ran at lunch on Tuesday. But, my left knee was a little sore, so I didn't work out yesterday. And, while I thought I might get some exercise in today, it doesn't look likely at this point. I'll need to run for the next three days to hit a goal of running five times a week. I don't know why that is a goal, exactly, it just seems like something I should be doing that is reasonably attainable. I once ran 30 days in a row, so you'd think I could do five days a week.
Eating has been so-so. I've fallen back on my late night snacking a bit, unfortunately. I think this coincides with a quick return to my shitty sleeping habits. The two go hand-in-hand. If I get to bed earlier, I don't snack. If I'm more rested, I don't snack. If I snack, I can't get to sleep as quickly. It is a bit circular, I know, but I should be able to nip both in the bud with just a bit more self control in the evenings. I do well when we don't have much in the way of temptation in the house, but that isn't the case right now. Once we eat through the mini brownies, the chocolate cookies, and the ice cream, I should be just fine. If I was smart, I'd let the kids do all the eating.
I still need to find a better way to format these updates. Suggestions are welcome. Regardless of format, I also need to get this done every day. And, if there are any readers, feel free to hold me accountable. I am quick to slack off on this kind of thing.
Eating has been so-so. I've fallen back on my late night snacking a bit, unfortunately. I think this coincides with a quick return to my shitty sleeping habits. The two go hand-in-hand. If I get to bed earlier, I don't snack. If I'm more rested, I don't snack. If I snack, I can't get to sleep as quickly. It is a bit circular, I know, but I should be able to nip both in the bud with just a bit more self control in the evenings. I do well when we don't have much in the way of temptation in the house, but that isn't the case right now. Once we eat through the mini brownies, the chocolate cookies, and the ice cream, I should be just fine. If I was smart, I'd let the kids do all the eating.
I still need to find a better way to format these updates. Suggestions are welcome. Regardless of format, I also need to get this done every day. And, if there are any readers, feel free to hold me accountable. I am quick to slack off on this kind of thing.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
One note on Saturday
I have to come up with a better format for this, but I got 7-7.5 hours last night too. Of sleep, that is. Yee hah! And I even watched "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", which was fairly long. Good movie, by the way.
Friday & Saturday
So, we're making progress, friends.
Thursday night I had 7.5 hours of sleep and Friday night I had 8. For me, that is a huge improvement. I am still tired, at least when life allows me to be tired, but I am feeling better. I needed the rest to finish getting over a sinus infection, which I am, and it has also helped me to not pass out when reading to the kids at bedtime.
I also continued to eat better, specifically in two ways. First, I'm eating a bit more during the day, which I know is important. And, second, I've been very good about cutting out my late night snacking. I have had dessert once or twice, but that is not what my problem is. It is the post-dessert trip to the kitchen where I eat three bowls of cereal or half a jar of peanut butter. In any case, that is over for now.
And, lastly, I ran on Friday and Saturday. I hit the gym on Friday for a decent 6.2 miles and ran another 6.5 on the trails in the afternoon sun yesterday. I am sore, but I feel great.
The best part in all of this? I think that I've gotten my weight under control and going back in the right direction. I have some goals I'd like to accomplish, but I'll wait to mention them. There is a weight loss goal, but it is tied to something outside of simply a number or how my clothes fit.
A few days is not a trend, let along a true change in lifestyle. But, three days is three more than I've had in a long time and I'd like to keep it going.
Thursday night I had 7.5 hours of sleep and Friday night I had 8. For me, that is a huge improvement. I am still tired, at least when life allows me to be tired, but I am feeling better. I needed the rest to finish getting over a sinus infection, which I am, and it has also helped me to not pass out when reading to the kids at bedtime.
I also continued to eat better, specifically in two ways. First, I'm eating a bit more during the day, which I know is important. And, second, I've been very good about cutting out my late night snacking. I have had dessert once or twice, but that is not what my problem is. It is the post-dessert trip to the kitchen where I eat three bowls of cereal or half a jar of peanut butter. In any case, that is over for now.
And, lastly, I ran on Friday and Saturday. I hit the gym on Friday for a decent 6.2 miles and ran another 6.5 on the trails in the afternoon sun yesterday. I am sore, but I feel great.
The best part in all of this? I think that I've gotten my weight under control and going back in the right direction. I have some goals I'd like to accomplish, but I'll wait to mention them. There is a weight loss goal, but it is tied to something outside of simply a number or how my clothes fit.
A few days is not a trend, let along a true change in lifestyle. But, three days is three more than I've had in a long time and I'd like to keep it going.
Friday, May 08, 2009
First Day's Results
So, I wish I could say that I accomplished all of my goals, but progress was made. On the eating front, I did pretty well. Ate light during the workday, as I usually do, and had a decent dinner. Brown rice, indian packets from Trader Joe's, some naan, and followed up with watermelon (not quite in season, so it wasn't as sweet as it could be). What I didn't do is any after-dinner snacking at all. So, congrats to me.
The eating only worked out because after getting the kids to bed, I passed out. I hit the sack at 9PM, leaving myself with no chance to snack. I woke up at 2:30AM, though, realizing that I hadn't done any work and that the kitchen probably still needed to be cleaned up from dinner. So, I went downstairs to straighten everything up, avoided any snacks, and came back upstairs to check email and surf a bit. Went back to bed a bit after 4AM. I got about 7.5 hours sleep, which is a big improvement for me. I average about 5-6 a night and am chronically tired at the end of every day. Ever present exhaustion keeps me from being productive, makes me cranky, and undermines my ability to control eating and to commit to exercise. When you are tired, the last thing you want to do is run. And, when you are tired and cranky, the quickest way to feel better is to eat junk food. Bad bad bad.
The last thing I wanted to accomplish was some exercise and I failed on that front. I had hoped to run before work, but didn't because the weather was awful and I thought I had time at lunch yesterday. A lunchtime meeting had been canceled, or so I thought, and I planned on hitting the gym. At the last minute, I found out I needed to do the meeting, which started 20 minutes late, and that ate up my free time. Audrey tried to give me some time to run at the end of the day, but she had to take Noah to the doctor and I didn't see how I could fit a run in and get to Naomi to pick her up in time. So, three shots for a run and none of them worked out. I could have run at night, but that whole passing out at 9PM thing got in the way of that. In any case, I've carved out time on my calender today and I will make it to the gym no matter what.
So, 2 out of 3 for the first day. Not too shabby.
The eating only worked out because after getting the kids to bed, I passed out. I hit the sack at 9PM, leaving myself with no chance to snack. I woke up at 2:30AM, though, realizing that I hadn't done any work and that the kitchen probably still needed to be cleaned up from dinner. So, I went downstairs to straighten everything up, avoided any snacks, and came back upstairs to check email and surf a bit. Went back to bed a bit after 4AM. I got about 7.5 hours sleep, which is a big improvement for me. I average about 5-6 a night and am chronically tired at the end of every day. Ever present exhaustion keeps me from being productive, makes me cranky, and undermines my ability to control eating and to commit to exercise. When you are tired, the last thing you want to do is run. And, when you are tired and cranky, the quickest way to feel better is to eat junk food. Bad bad bad.
The last thing I wanted to accomplish was some exercise and I failed on that front. I had hoped to run before work, but didn't because the weather was awful and I thought I had time at lunch yesterday. A lunchtime meeting had been canceled, or so I thought, and I planned on hitting the gym. At the last minute, I found out I needed to do the meeting, which started 20 minutes late, and that ate up my free time. Audrey tried to give me some time to run at the end of the day, but she had to take Noah to the doctor and I didn't see how I could fit a run in and get to Naomi to pick her up in time. So, three shots for a run and none of them worked out. I could have run at night, but that whole passing out at 9PM thing got in the way of that. In any case, I've carved out time on my calender today and I will make it to the gym no matter what.
So, 2 out of 3 for the first day. Not too shabby.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
ED
I think one of the reasons I stopped blogging was that it always seems like there is so much to say. I'm not running some small publishing empire or trying to create some advertising juggernaut so I can quit my day job. I don't know if it matters to me to have anyone even see this. Frankly, I just find this easier than writing in a journal. And, because I generally view blogging as a sort of diary-type function, it seems silly to just slap stuff up here that is inconsequential. I might note my running, or my weight loss, stuff that I would write in a journal anyway. But I'm not going to write stuff that might come to mind, but has little substance. There just isn't much point to that. The problem is that if I am not going to post simple, easy written stuff, then I find myself stuck in a place where I have lots to say and no time to say it properly. It is expressive dysfunction - I want to do it, but I can't get it out. I just need to find some intellectual or emotional Viagra.
Ugh
It has been a long, long, long time. Blogging sometimes seems like a chore, but I need to do something to handle the stuff in my head and the endless piles of notes I seem to make for myself.
Let's start with a proclamation or a mid-year resolution. Eh, a set of resolutions. I have fallen off the wagon a bit. My running is junk, my sleep is bad, and my diet is horrendous. In other words, I'm not doing the basic things I need to do to stay healthy and to feel good. Sure, I want to and I know what to do, but I've been stressed out and weak and let a lot of things get in my way.
In any case, here's the deal. A public announcement of what I intend to do, although I get off easy since nobody reads this. I will stop eating crap at night. I will consistently run every week and begin training for a race. And, I will get to bed earlier. Simple.
How do I measure this and make sure I'm sticking to it? Every day, I'll post about my exercise, sleep, and eating. Once I can get into a regular pattern, maybe I won't feel like I need to do it. But, I have to log this stuff so that I feel accountable in some way. Here's the first post on this topic then:
No run
No food
No sleep
What I'll do is post at the end of the day or early the following day to note what happened. So, I'll be posting again later or tomorrow morning as to the activity and control for today, 5/7. Until then...
Let's start with a proclamation or a mid-year resolution. Eh, a set of resolutions. I have fallen off the wagon a bit. My running is junk, my sleep is bad, and my diet is horrendous. In other words, I'm not doing the basic things I need to do to stay healthy and to feel good. Sure, I want to and I know what to do, but I've been stressed out and weak and let a lot of things get in my way.
In any case, here's the deal. A public announcement of what I intend to do, although I get off easy since nobody reads this. I will stop eating crap at night. I will consistently run every week and begin training for a race. And, I will get to bed earlier. Simple.
How do I measure this and make sure I'm sticking to it? Every day, I'll post about my exercise, sleep, and eating. Once I can get into a regular pattern, maybe I won't feel like I need to do it. But, I have to log this stuff so that I feel accountable in some way. Here's the first post on this topic then:
No run
No food
No sleep
What I'll do is post at the end of the day or early the following day to note what happened. So, I'll be posting again later or tomorrow morning as to the activity and control for today, 5/7. Until then...
Monday, September 08, 2008
Yes, I Know
It has been a long time since writing and I don't have a great excuse. I have lots of things to say, but I've not found the urge to get over here and put thoughts to code. It is because I feel like there are always better things to do. But, it is also because I think I've been self censoring a bit. I figure that some people I know might read this and I don't want to write anything that will make them think anything negative about me. It is easy to blog when you can be anonymous. But, once you are found, it is hard to just say whatever you want to say.
Today was Noah's first day at his new school. Despite having a horrible weekend with him, behavior wise, he was great this morning and I feel good about how his time there will go. He woke me up this morning, reminding me that it was his first day, and told me how excited he was to get started. He was also very excited about his bookbag and getting to wear it around. It must be great to be a little kid, man. Getting excited about a bookbag? Ah, how I wish that was enough for me at this point in my life.
It is great that he loves school. Audrey and I consider his feelings toward school and learning to be one of our greatest responsibilities as parents. In fact, the true responsibility is to create an environment in which he can express his desires and focus his attention in productive ways. School is part of that, book reading is part of that, music is part of that, even sports are part of that. And, for the first time this weekend, I saw evidence of what happens when I push him too hard. Relatively speaking, this wasn't a big deal, but it gave me pause all the same. Noah just started co-ed teeball, another thing that he is very excited about. After his first practice last week, we picked up a teeball set and some balls so that he and I could practice basic skills on our own. After Saturday's deluge, we all went out Sunday morning looking for a park and some space to play. After we found a place and we set up the teeball equipment, Noah proceeded to hack away. But, the discipline he has shown when we've played wiffle ball was nowhere to be found. Instead, his stance was haphazard, he held the bat funny, and he just kept wacking the teeball stand. I admit I got a little stern with him, but it was because I know he knows how to position himself to swing the bat. After straightening him out a few times, I tried to make the point that he needs to hit the ball and not the tee. When he knocked it down again and the tee came apart, I got irritated with him. And, in response, he said that he didn't want to practice anymore and that he'd rather just play on the playground. Serves me right for being too much of a hardass. I'm not looking for perfection. I just don't want to have to keep picking things up and putting them back together. But, I need to accept that he doesn't have much control yet, so this is par for the course. In any case, I won't be such a ballbreaker next time. I don't want to turn teeball or baseball into something that he hates because it seems like Daddy always gets mad at him.
Today was Noah's first day at his new school. Despite having a horrible weekend with him, behavior wise, he was great this morning and I feel good about how his time there will go. He woke me up this morning, reminding me that it was his first day, and told me how excited he was to get started. He was also very excited about his bookbag and getting to wear it around. It must be great to be a little kid, man. Getting excited about a bookbag? Ah, how I wish that was enough for me at this point in my life.
It is great that he loves school. Audrey and I consider his feelings toward school and learning to be one of our greatest responsibilities as parents. In fact, the true responsibility is to create an environment in which he can express his desires and focus his attention in productive ways. School is part of that, book reading is part of that, music is part of that, even sports are part of that. And, for the first time this weekend, I saw evidence of what happens when I push him too hard. Relatively speaking, this wasn't a big deal, but it gave me pause all the same. Noah just started co-ed teeball, another thing that he is very excited about. After his first practice last week, we picked up a teeball set and some balls so that he and I could practice basic skills on our own. After Saturday's deluge, we all went out Sunday morning looking for a park and some space to play. After we found a place and we set up the teeball equipment, Noah proceeded to hack away. But, the discipline he has shown when we've played wiffle ball was nowhere to be found. Instead, his stance was haphazard, he held the bat funny, and he just kept wacking the teeball stand. I admit I got a little stern with him, but it was because I know he knows how to position himself to swing the bat. After straightening him out a few times, I tried to make the point that he needs to hit the ball and not the tee. When he knocked it down again and the tee came apart, I got irritated with him. And, in response, he said that he didn't want to practice anymore and that he'd rather just play on the playground. Serves me right for being too much of a hardass. I'm not looking for perfection. I just don't want to have to keep picking things up and putting them back together. But, I need to accept that he doesn't have much control yet, so this is par for the course. In any case, I won't be such a ballbreaker next time. I don't want to turn teeball or baseball into something that he hates because it seems like Daddy always gets mad at him.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Mid-Year Resolutions
I think I need to come out with these since I'm not sticking to them without any sense of external pressure. So, I want to achieve the following things:
1. Stop drinking diet soda. More specifically, avoid everything with artificial sweeteners. I've been pretty good about this the past few weeks. It has been almost three weeks since I last had a Diet Coke, so I feel good about this. I used to drink that stuff like water, but I don't miss it at all.
2. Stop chewing gum. More specifically, stop chewing lots of gum each day. I did this as a way to avoid eating, which was fine when I was actively trying to lose lots of weight. But, now I do it to the point of making my jaws ache. This too has been a successful resolution the past few weeks. I stopped buying gum entirely and haven't chewed a piece since I had my last Diet Coke.
3. Go to bed at a normal time. Right, well, this is where I start to fail. I'm tired all the time except when it seems time to go to sleep. I doze in the car, I'm exhausted in the afternoons, and I feel like I have no energy at the end of the day. Yet, I seem to be wide awake at 11PM and so I take the opportunity to do dumb crap that is of no benefit to me or anyone else. Like, reading crap on Wikipedia about Colonial Virginia or obsessing about my fantasy baseball team. I would be better off in a number of ways if I simply read a book and went to bed at 11PM. And I need to do this or I'm going to continue to have both health and mood issues. I wouldn't be sick right now if I got more sleep. I wouldn't be testy with the kids if I got more sleep. I wouldn't find it hard to get to the gym if I had more sleep. I'd be more focused at work if I had more sleep. Right, you get the picture.
4. Stop snacking late in the evening. This is the dumbest thing of all. Part of the reason I stay up is so that I sneak to the kitchen or the laundry room and have my fill of bad carbs. I'm embarrassed at the number of boxes of cookies and cereal that I've eaten through in the past few months. So, I don't sleep so that I can stay up and eat crap that does me no good other than to make me fat. It is a by-product of my heavy running for most of the past year or so, but it doesn't make it any better. I needed the carbs then, but I don't right know. And since my running has been almost non-existent, all I've done is gain weight in the process. There is nothing more depressing to a former fatzo than to realize that you've lost control and started to gain the weight back. I've been at 175 pounds or less for over two years now. Sure, i fluctuate, but I've had it under control for the most part. This is the most I've gained back in that time period and the shittiest that I've felt about it. So, this late night snacking must end. It was never a good idea and now my body simply can't handle it. The kicker to this behavior is that I eat all this crap, can't digest it before I do fall asleep, and wake up in the morning with indigestion. Not too bright, eh?
So, I'm good on two and bad on the other two. I need to get straight with all of them. I'm taking it easy on the running and progressing well, but the weight gain and lack of sleep will override any gains I make. I need to get this under control again. If you read this, hold me to it.
1. Stop drinking diet soda. More specifically, avoid everything with artificial sweeteners. I've been pretty good about this the past few weeks. It has been almost three weeks since I last had a Diet Coke, so I feel good about this. I used to drink that stuff like water, but I don't miss it at all.
2. Stop chewing gum. More specifically, stop chewing lots of gum each day. I did this as a way to avoid eating, which was fine when I was actively trying to lose lots of weight. But, now I do it to the point of making my jaws ache. This too has been a successful resolution the past few weeks. I stopped buying gum entirely and haven't chewed a piece since I had my last Diet Coke.
3. Go to bed at a normal time. Right, well, this is where I start to fail. I'm tired all the time except when it seems time to go to sleep. I doze in the car, I'm exhausted in the afternoons, and I feel like I have no energy at the end of the day. Yet, I seem to be wide awake at 11PM and so I take the opportunity to do dumb crap that is of no benefit to me or anyone else. Like, reading crap on Wikipedia about Colonial Virginia or obsessing about my fantasy baseball team. I would be better off in a number of ways if I simply read a book and went to bed at 11PM. And I need to do this or I'm going to continue to have both health and mood issues. I wouldn't be sick right now if I got more sleep. I wouldn't be testy with the kids if I got more sleep. I wouldn't find it hard to get to the gym if I had more sleep. I'd be more focused at work if I had more sleep. Right, you get the picture.
4. Stop snacking late in the evening. This is the dumbest thing of all. Part of the reason I stay up is so that I sneak to the kitchen or the laundry room and have my fill of bad carbs. I'm embarrassed at the number of boxes of cookies and cereal that I've eaten through in the past few months. So, I don't sleep so that I can stay up and eat crap that does me no good other than to make me fat. It is a by-product of my heavy running for most of the past year or so, but it doesn't make it any better. I needed the carbs then, but I don't right know. And since my running has been almost non-existent, all I've done is gain weight in the process. There is nothing more depressing to a former fatzo than to realize that you've lost control and started to gain the weight back. I've been at 175 pounds or less for over two years now. Sure, i fluctuate, but I've had it under control for the most part. This is the most I've gained back in that time period and the shittiest that I've felt about it. So, this late night snacking must end. It was never a good idea and now my body simply can't handle it. The kicker to this behavior is that I eat all this crap, can't digest it before I do fall asleep, and wake up in the morning with indigestion. Not too bright, eh?
So, I'm good on two and bad on the other two. I need to get straight with all of them. I'm taking it easy on the running and progressing well, but the weight gain and lack of sleep will override any gains I make. I need to get this under control again. If you read this, hold me to it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Wegman's Ultimate Chocolate Cake
I would normally expect something called the "Ultimate" to disappoint. It is like the old saying about never eating at a place called "Mothers" - it just won't be anything like she used to make. But, if you are the least bit curious about this particular cake, I can now say that it is worth a taste or two.
Audrey and I had talked about buying one for months now, just to try it out. We both love cake, particularly cake of the chocolate variety, and we are bit discerning in our cake tastes. Now, we haven't been going to Wegmans much since it is further away than the Safeway and the prices are just not that great on most items. I did get a great price on pears recently, but I digress. So, I'm over there the other day getting a prescription filled, and I figured I'd buy the small version of the cake. It is just big enough to carve out about four pieces of cake., which is more cake than we should probably have in the house on a regular basis. But this was a special situation!
We tried it out with some ice cream that night. It is basically the best standard chocolate cake I think I've ever eaten. Nothing fancy, no interesting flavors, not a trace of something different. It is just the best example yet of the traditional, archetypal chocolate cake. I'd definitely eat it again, except it is rather expensive. The small cake is $9, making this a rather costly indulgence.
Audrey and I had talked about buying one for months now, just to try it out. We both love cake, particularly cake of the chocolate variety, and we are bit discerning in our cake tastes. Now, we haven't been going to Wegmans much since it is further away than the Safeway and the prices are just not that great on most items. I did get a great price on pears recently, but I digress. So, I'm over there the other day getting a prescription filled, and I figured I'd buy the small version of the cake. It is just big enough to carve out about four pieces of cake., which is more cake than we should probably have in the house on a regular basis. But this was a special situation!
We tried it out with some ice cream that night. It is basically the best standard chocolate cake I think I've ever eaten. Nothing fancy, no interesting flavors, not a trace of something different. It is just the best example yet of the traditional, archetypal chocolate cake. I'd definitely eat it again, except it is rather expensive. The small cake is $9, making this a rather costly indulgence.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Great News!
I saw the orthopedist this morning and got a clean bill of health. The results from the MRI show no sign of a lateral meniscus tear or any damage of any kind. There was a suggestion of some degeneration on the inside of my knee, but Dr. Zimmer said that MRIs are overly sensitive to that kind of thing and that there was nothing to worry about in his opinion. So, in the end, there is some inflammation of the cartilage, but nothing that rest, ice, and some good anti-inflammatories can't handle. The best part? He said I can start running again. One mile, every other day, and ice afterwards. If I feel okay, I can increase the distance by 1/2 mile each week. So, that is like 4 miles for this week, which is a far cry from 65. I'm just happy I can run again. I've missed it terribly.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Comparing Our Kids
One of the many things I enjoy about having both Noah and Naomi is getting to see the differences between the two of them. As Naomi gets older, she is much more mobile and showing a lot more of her distinct personality, so the ways in which she is different than her brother are more pronounced. Lately, she has taken to doing things that he not only never did at her age, but that he never did at all. Noah has always been quite active, but he is a bit cautious. He wasn't one of these kids that just launch themselves off couches or run headlong without any control. He always seemed to check things out a bit and make sure he was going to be okay before proceeding with his plan. Noami, on the other hand, is an absolute daredevil. She has taken to climbing the ladder and getting into Noah's loft bed just so she can steal a sip of water from his Diego cup. She can't get herself down the ladder, but she doesn't seem to care. And, the other day, we caught her with one leg and half her body through the railing at the top of the stairs. There was nowhere for her to go but empty space and a very bad fall into the family room. And, just this weekend, Audrey found her out of her crib and crying by the window, post-nap. I'm not sure if this ridiculous monkeyness of hers is something to worry about or not, but I don't like it all the same.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Gaining Some Perspective
I can't sleep much and I think my health has been suffering a bit due to the amount of stress I'm dealing with these days. Work, the kids, etc. Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective, though. It occurs to me that my life is "better" in the basic, measurable qualities than almost every person on the planet. In the vacuum of the upper income suburbs of a major American city, it seems like this life is only average. But, it isn't. It might be what we've all come to expect, but almost nobody else has a shot at this life. And, even more absurd is that my life is appreciably "better" than the life experienced by almost every other human being ever born. More security, more leisure time, better long-term health, longer life, better education, etc. Perfect? No. Any happier? Maybe not. Less that is worth worrying about? Yes, and that is my point.
It doesn't make me feel any better, really, but at least I tried.
It doesn't make me feel any better, really, but at least I tried.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Lost Focus
I haven't run in a few weeks now. Long story, but my right knee didn't seem to like me very much. So, I've bagged on races, including a marathon this coming weekend, and I'm beginning to feel aimless all the time. If I don't have a set schedule, I just kind of mess around. I wish I could get back on the roads again. It has kept me sane over the past year and I feel like my head is awash in confusion and exhaustion without it. I find myself thinking about Eva more now and I don't have an outlet for what I am feeling.
I need to be distracted again. Anything.
I need to be distracted again. Anything.
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