Monday, April 30, 2007

The Heartbreak of a Cardiac Surgeon

I guess it shouldn't, but it bothers me that our cardiac surgeon hasn't said a word since Eva died. He basically disappeared the morning at the hospital and we never heard from him again. We have gotten a card from the doctors in the PICU. Beth, the hospital liasion, came to the service. But nothing from Dr. Shen, a man who actually had his hands on our daughter's heart.

I don't get it. How can he not reach out and contact us? Doesn't he care? Hasn't he been through this kind of thing before? I feel like I've been dumped or something. I want to go back to the hospital and confront him about all this. I want to know why we haven't heard from him. I want him to tell me what happened and if we could have done anything differently. He always seemed to be the guy in charge to us; the person who really knew what was going on and had some degree of control. Now he has just walked away and forgotten us. Maybe he has to do that to deal with the fact that he probably sees kids die on a regular basis. This is the same guy who told me he was worrying about Eva so much that he couldn't sleep.

I just want closure with him. Maybe I want a hug too.

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