Monday, March 19, 2007

Non-Twin Post

Okay, so the twins are really the big thing in my life right now. No surprise there, of course. It is what everyone asks about and what consumes most of my thoughts and energy in one way or another. However, there is more to my life than simply my twin daughters. More even than my wife and Noah too. There is me. So, this is just an update on some things about me.

One of the big things I had hoped to do before Audrey got home was to remodel the two bathrooms upstairs. The hall bath, which doubles as the kids' bathroom and a de facto guest bathroom when we are entertaining, and our master bath. The master bath just needed some touch-up really, but the hall bath was old and nasty and really just begging for an overhaul. It was the first thing we wanted to do when we moved in, but we got an initial estimate that was way past our pucker point, so we put it off and moved on to other projects. But, after having talked with my father a bit, I was convinced that we could redo the hall bath without too much expense or effort. So, I proceeded to spend most of my free time while Audrey was in the hospital getting ready to do this job. The main goal was to replace the rotten vanity and to get a tub that allowed for anyone other than a damn midget to take a bath. I can honestly say that my mission has been accomplished. In the process, my father overbuilt the vanity and we shoehorned the biggest tub I could find that would fit into a standard 5' space. I also had to spend far too much time selecting tile and listening to my mother claim credit for picking out the granite countertop we went with. My father got us a deal on the top through a friend and drove the top up from Florida, but my mother still wants to be known as the one who picked it. She is a ridiculous cow. The one thing I didn't do is actually finish either job. I mean, you know, there is a working toilet and all the plumbing is functional and we can take a shower and all. But, the master shower has no doors and there is still a fair amount of painting to do. In any case, the wife seems happy with the effort and so I think the whole affair won't keep me from getting laid.

But this long ass bathroom story really isn't the story at all. The whole point here is that all of this damn work took a toll on me. After having done all the heavy lifting, a few snow storms hit. A combination of the shoveling snow and throwing out all the construction debris gave me a hernia. No joke. It sounds like something an old man gets, but I got it. An inguinal hernia to be exact. It was pretty bad at first, at least in the sense that I could feel the bulge in my groin area. If you don't know, an inguinal hernia is a very common happens when the lower abdominal wall is weakened (sometimes it can tear) and your intestines poke through. Yeah, that is right. My guts started to spill out into my crotch. It has gotten better since, but I will need to get surgery to correct it. So, in addition to all the other health-related shit going on at my house these days, I've got to have a doctor cut a hole in my groin and stitch me up with some Gore-Tex patch. I'm not kidding. They will put a piece of mesh inside me to patch up the hole. It isn't that different than the kind of patch they will likely put into Eva's heart to close up the hole between her right and left ventricle.

So, in addition to blathering on about running and updating on how my kids are doing, I'll add some sort of status check on how my upper penile area is doing and I bet you'll really like it.

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