I'm a Flip Flopper

So, I think I'll start posting again...for now. (Sidelong glances) People might be reading this. And, if I am going to post on other people's blogs, which I am doing with increasing frequency these days, it seems rather unfair to not share and update my own blog.

What I am moved to share tonight is that I have developed some rather bad habits this year and I'm having a great deal of difficulty in ridding myself of them. First, my sleep pattern is completely absurd and entirely untenable given my work and home life. I cannot stay up until midnight or later every night and still get up in the morning before 7AM. Okay, I can do it, but I won't feel rested and I certainly won't have lots of success in getting up earlier than that so I can fit in a run most days. I've always been a bit of a night person, but my pattern has been exaggerated ever since Audrey's stay in the hospital. I had to stay up late every night just to get everything done, but there is no real reason to do it now. Well, except for one, which leads me to my next bad habit.

My diet it also completely out of whack. I had very good control over what I ate last year and only really added a lot of carbohydrates to provide the energy I needed to train for a marathon. I gained a bit of weight after the marathon, in large part due to the fact that I couldn't run much in November. It just took the entire month to recover. By December, I didn't have the weekly mileage to really handle the holiday season's eatings and I had gained some pounds. But, again, when Audrey entered the hospital, I had the freedom to get very restrictive with what I ate and I was able to get down to below 170lbs early this year. My diet was pretty silly, though. I only ate a Balance Bar during the day, followed that up with a light dinner, and then had a big ass bowl of ice cream after Noah was asleep. Not the best way to go, I imagine. And, it didn't get any better after the twins were born. In fact, one of my reactions to the stress of the situation was to basically stop eating. I continued to lose weight, getting down to about 163lbs or so. I felt like crap, of course. I had nausea and dizzy spells, but I just didn't want to eat anything. It was easier to just drink some diet coke or a big coffee and to chew gum all day. After Eva passed away, I started to eat more normally, at least in terms of having normal meals and eating a healthy amount each day. But, my weird nighttime snacking became more exaggerated. And, in an effort to basically mask this snacking, I've continued to stay up until everyone else in the house is asleep so I can eat and not feel as guilty about it. By writing this now, I am outing myself and will hopefully have to deal with what I am doing in a more direct fashion with my wife.

In any case, so I don't sleep and I eat loads of crap at night. And I say that I want to run 60+ mpw or more and that I want to qualify for Boston and all that. But the two things don't mix and I've got to get control or I won't achieve my running goals. I'm just not sure how to start. Wait...maybe wrapping up this post and going to bed would be good. G'night.